I’m being consistent. The word consistent doesn’t really appeal to me, though, so I’d rather say I am employing a large amount of discipline at this very moment. How long has it been since I’ve blogged? A month? Two? Three? Well, you can check by scrolling down a bit, but I’d rather not at this time, thank you very much. It would be an understatement to say a lot has happened since that last post, which wasn’t even a real “post” because it neither contained interesting text (I hope you agree with me on that one – that my posts are fairly interesting to read..) nor equally interesting pictures. But it did contain an interesting video, as well as the title “interesting.” So it did qualify as a blog post posted by me.
A week ago, I came back from what, for the average grad student in Germany, is known as a graduation trip. For me, it was more of a farewell trip. To be exact, it was a farewell trip, we’ll have none of that “more of/more like” gunk now. It was a farewell trip and nothing I can tell myself will change that. We went to Prague, Europe’s Mecca for those who drink beer with ambition, mind you, not the quality-ambitious, just the quantity-ambitious types. We had a couple of those. Hey, the quality wasn’t even that bad. It wasn’t all Czech beer.
Anyway, I’m assuming you want to know why it was a farewell trip for me, though I’m also assuming that most people who actually read this, especially after my long absence, will know already, but I’ll just say it again, for the benefit of the whole: I’m dropping out of school. Yes, I am nodding. Yes, you can’t see me nodding, but I am, and you should believe me. Not that I’m nodding – that doesn’t matter, I guess that doesn’t concern you – but on the fact that I haven’t been going to school for almost a month now you should believe me, because I’m not joking. I only had to throw in the nodding part because someone I told this to responded first with “What?” and then – when I started nodding – with “Are you nodding?”. Which I found pretty amusing.
I found the subway stations extremely fascinating. I’m procrastinating writing a post about, or just featuring the latter, because I also have quite a few not un-interesting photos of the various types of trains and stations in Prague.
I’m dropping out because I’m sick of school. And no, I am definetely not as stupid as most people think when they first hear I’m dropping out about six months before THE end. If you want all the details email me or call me. I will remain patient and do my best to explain my whole life to you in a couple of minutes without getting a nervous breakdown.
It just so happens that there is life without a so-called “completed” education – Abitur in Germany. For me. I do not need it. Yes, I am positive. As positive as a hundred percent gets. And if I ever decide to become only 93.67 % positive that this was the right decision, I can always re-do my Abi. Sometime. With the right sense of purpose and some more motivation. One percent would be more than it was the last day I went to school.
See, life is so much better without school. And I haven’t even started yet. Ok, that could be used against me in due time, but for now it’s intended as an optimistic remark.
For the meantime, I’m looking for some type of restaurant job, doing that which I do most and best – art – catching up on various projects, at least trying. I’ve also finally put up a real website. Right here. I’m pretty proud of that thing, even if it still has major flaws amd doesn’t contain the information I’d like it to contain about myself and my art. Which is due to my lack of discipline, mostly. Although in this case, it might really be inspiration. I usually love writing, why do I always fail myself when it comes to crucial situations? Such as “about” and “contact” pages? They sound..well, they don’t sound right.
These guys weren’t particularly friendly. I guess I wasn’t particularly friendly either, just taking a picture of them like that as if they were some tourist attraction. I smiled and walked away. How was I supposed to know what they were saying, anyway?
Czech people don’t like Germans anyway. That much was clear. It was (is) an unspoken law.
Our hotel had everything we needed: a few rooms with spectacular views, unfriendly Czech waiters, German grad trippers, and a soccer stadium.
Back to the no-more-school-thing. Not only was I sick of school, my head and mind and body and nerves were sick of school too; it makes me sick, it’s a fact. I did my homework exactly once this school year. Not much, considering everything would have counted towards my final marks. That once was, in fact, the time I posted my English homework here. I never completed a piece of homework again. Completed, mind you. I started plenty of times.
Concentration camp Theresienstadt. Everyone listened to the tour guide. Except me, sometimes. Nobody made jokes about the Czechs. Everybody was exhausted afterwards.
What’s there left to say? I’m euphoric at the prospect of being a design student. Starting next week, most likely, because I’m doing it online. It’s like, with one decision, everything I had been yearning for during the past year was suddenly there – boom! No more waiting, no more exhausting myself getting aggressive over some stupid teacher, student, or piece of homework. I had told myself to just leave them all be and get on with life – didn’t work. I still wanted good marks, but wasn’t about to get them with my attitude. If that had been “normal” I could’ve had an outstanding Abitur, I’m certain. So I told myself – actually, my mother told me – to just leave them all be and get on with school (not life), just give up fighting against everyone and everything and go for the grades I could’ve just reached out and grabbed.
But the state of my mental well-being was spiralling ever downwards, and there came to be a day in the history of my life after the great depression which started with my being so panic-struck at the mere thought of stepping out the door, that I simply went back to bed and slept until eleven thirty. The next day was the day of the first music exam of the year. My mood was completely the opposite of the day before. Nothing could get in my way. After 2 hours I had written next to nothing, even though the exam was something easy, and my head and stomache were telling me I couldn’t sit there any longer. So I didn’t. I went right to the psychiatrist’s. Yes…
Then my mother told me she and my dad wouldn’t mind to much if I said I just want to drop it. Which I found pretty ridiculous at first. But, the way it always is with me, two seconds later, I was thinking about life without school, maybe studying design online.. The next morning I baked cinnamon rolls for my mother’s birthday and had a long talk with the psychiatrist, who told me I could try to go through with school on hard drugs, or just drop it and be happy. So I dropped it and now I’m happy.
The End. (or The Beginning, more like)
